why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
