So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize