Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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