I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
A+ Viking dick
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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