...so i touched it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
