I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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