Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
