I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize