She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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