I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
love makes seman taste better
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
