the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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