the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
