just survived the first fart of the relationship.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize