Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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