i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
