I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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