i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
