he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
