Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
