I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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