we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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