Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
