That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
