She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize