then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
