Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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