I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
