Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize