I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
