She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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