I just saw a hot homeless man
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
