WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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