Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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