so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
