No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
