I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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