I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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