Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
