I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
