Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
