Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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