He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize