so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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