I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
