he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
