i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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