Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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