And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
