When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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