Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
