kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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