My first STD was from a foam party
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
