Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize