Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
