dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
