the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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