Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
