Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
