I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
