Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
