I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
