Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
