So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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