Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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