If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
