Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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