i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
