the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
