I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
