Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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