i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
