You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
