Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
