I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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