feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
