Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
