Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
