In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize