I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
