Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
