its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
