we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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