then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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