Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
