you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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