Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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