She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
